Yesterday evening, the illusion shattered. I mentioned the trouble at my office in my last post. But I never expected DH to react to it the way he did. For starters, he looked like someone had hit him in the gut. And then he said I ought to quit right away instead of risking getting fired. Hello? Where did that come from? Here I am, trying to balance a thousand things good and bad (a lot of it bad) and trying to stay happy, or at least contended, and he looks like someone died! What's more, it's not even like he's never been handed the pink slip so it was the shock. (Er...did I mention, DH, that I do have a job and a lot of the fears stem from uncertainty at the firm so there's little I can do about that?)
He stayed morose for a couple of more hours, heightening my own anxiety. Then, I remembered my shrink's words and pulled myself together. Que sera sera. I'll cross the rickety bridge when it comes. Fortunately, DH logged into LinkedIn and proceeded to go berserk. I thought I was overdoing it, but I only have 30 connections built up over the past 6 months. He started two weeks back and crossed 100 yesterday. It's the whole Orkut thing all over again. Bad deja vu. But I digress.
His negative overreaction to the whole 'something-like-this-MIGHT-happen' scenario was bewildering at first, and rubbed off on me for a while. Then it was plain annoying. He knows his brainwashing works with the whole world and their uncle, but not with me. So why bother? Besides, this is MY career, good or bad or worse, but it is mine. Eventually, it just seemed silly the way he reacted and I was able to dismiss the whole thing and get along with life.
One little tinge of sadness remained: that illusion that we could actually get along for a while - like a regular couple - without something spoiling it, had broken. I know he can't handle stress very well. I know he's insecure. But just seeing the evidence of that brought a lot of weird feelings to the surface. Feelings I do not want to deal with because I don't know how to and whatever I do won't work unless he co-operates. So I have no choice but to leave it on the backburner for now. Ah well, there are other blessings life has to offer.
Excuse me, folks. I have a list to make...