There's been this terrible unease for the past few weeks. It hangs over me like a gray cloud, dark and heavy and untouchable. And I haven't been able to identify it. At first I thought it was the whole family illness thing. But then it hit me today. I'm missing my phone conversations. The ones I used to have on the commute to and from work. I now travel with the DH (he went back to work around a month ago) so I make only those calls which are "okay" - you know, telling my mum we've left and should be getting home by such-and-such time, etc.
No more conversations with Mum or my friends, because I don't feel free to talk with him around. (You guessed it, we are going through some tough times.) And I want to run away when he starts on his mindless philosophy - his weird, unbearable, and inexplicable obsession with making lists, listing trivia, and triviliazing everything and yakking endlessly about something completely nonsensiscal. This is the same guy who refuses to have a mature discussion about the issues that are staring our marriage on the face. And so the pile under the carpet gets bigger. He doesn't care, of course, coz he's not doing the housework.
Anyway, so that's what it is. I miss that time I had all to myself when I could talk in anonymity and catch up with the rest of my world. If it took me two weeks to figure that out, is it any surprise that I'm seeing a shrink? Gotta find an outlet for this pent up stuff.
Just for the record, I'm not one of those women who spends hours on the phone. I just like to stay in touch with people who I don't cook for and clean for and care for on a daily basis. Know what I mean?