Made up my mind...finally

It's been a crazy week. A lot has happened. I didn't want to post today because everything still seems mixed up. But I thought I'd just start with one thing. (Yes, yes, the vacation update and the handbag meme are pending. * hangs head in shame*)

Let's start at the office for today. I've made up my mind to leave this job. Not because I had a fight or because I'm seething about some usual politics. The fact is, I'm really not doing much - even though the pay is good. If I took an editing test tomorrow, I'd probably flunk it because the kind of editing I do is so narrow!! I've just about managed to resurrect my writing, and I think it's time my editing followed suit.

Besides, this place is a fiefdom, a durbar where the king & queen sitting out in the US of A use some very opaque methodology to judge performance. There are just no transparent performance metrics. Actually, there are, but they just prefer to ignore that. Most people are planning to leave after the yearly hikes come out at the end of May. I doubt I'll get anything. Long story, but it's true. So I may as well leave before that. I don't want any sour grapes stories floating around.

So even though the job market out there ain't so good, and headhunters take forever to get back (read 2 months after applying) I'll leave by the end of May. I just don't want to hang around here and watch all this s*&^ unfold all around me.

I may have to sit at home for a while - which doesn't sound too bad. And I could just go back to working from home, although that will require some rethinking with regard to the driver. (Don't balk and don't think I'm rich. Half of the people in Bangalore who can afford a driver for around Rs 6,000 a month - thats less than $150 - hire one because our roads are chaotic, to say the least. And since DH and I both get dropped, the economics works out fine.) But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Of course I think about whether or not I'll get a job in the next 6 weeks. It's being ambitious, considering I'm not an IT/ITeS/BPO/KPO professional. And I suck at the whole interview routine. But you know what? Just having made that decision is a great weight off my head. And I love that feeling. :-)

Mea Culpa: greed, misconceptions and then some

Yup, the last post on my kid's bottom received plenty of comments (relatively speaking, of course). Which means people actually read it :-P
So I decided to wait and see what more responses I got. Plain greed, I tell you. Mea Culpa.

I've also joined two writers networks online. One is a forum along the lines of Facebook and Orkut, but more focused. You get to talk to other writers about issues we all face. The person who started it is doing an excellent job of widening the network and including writers from across the professional spectrum.

The other is on Yahoo! Groups and involves getting critiqued by fellow writers, whom you have to critique in turn. It's purely non-fiction and I was reluctant to join. For one, I've hardly ever been a spontaneous writer. For another, I'm from India while this group is mostly made up of writers from North America. I wondered how I would bridge cultural boundaries because our environment makes up a good deal of what we write.

But you know what, I was wrong on both counts. Once I knew I HAD to make an x number of submissions a month, the ideas popped up on their own. What's more, my very first piece was about a really localized concept related to Bangalore. And I still got some good reviews. People took the time to read something they were surely unfamiliar with and wrote back with encouragement and honest feedback. Now where can you get that?

I've made two submissions so far, and I must admit it's been good. Plus, you get to read some really good pieces written by people like myself - writing on the side and hoping to do more with that writing - and critique that. I think the folks who started that group are nothing short of brilliant.

The work and home front have not been that great over the past 10 days. I was quite wound up last night. I feel better today and decided it was high time I updated my blog and got on with the rest of my life.

At the office: A disturbance in the force

Well, we finally found a key resource to fill a position that's been vacant for the past 4 months. This person will join only in around 6 weeks.

The good news is that I will have less work once the person joins us. The bad news is, I may just be losing my USP in this firm. I've been trying to quit for a while now, but there isn't anything great on the horizon. Besides, it's almost the end of the financial year here in India, so there isn't much hiring going on at senior/mid-senior levels. So things are a bit fluid. Had this happened a year ago (and it almost did) I'd have been falling apart, worrying about 'the future.' I've learnt now how to tell myself that if I can't change something, there's no point in making it an issue that clouds my present.

Plus, someone else is getting fired at the office. Although I have arranged for alternate employment for this person, I can't be sure how things will go.

The uncertainty is part of urban human existence in the 21st century. Call it a side-effect of globalization. The world gets more competitive and you have to come up with ways to advertise and promote your skills even if they're not good. I've never been good at promoting myself although everybody tells me my skills are great. In fact, I suck at the whole self-PR gig. So how am I going to get out there and prove myself? Frankly, I have no idea. But I'm damned if I don't try.

So far, my life has been all about whatever-happens-happens-for-the-best (even if it takes a couple of years for the "best" to show up.) So it will be interesting to see how things pan out. Watch this space.

Time to change

I actually wanted to write about it being time to change my job. Change is good, I told myself, and then for some strange reason, remembered poop-filled diapers. Lol! And wrote the previous post. Just felt like I had to.
Anyway, the boss decided to take away my car-and-driver perks (inevitable thanks to the rising rupee and the boss goofing up on many a business plan). Somehow, it didn't affect me much. I plan to buy my own car if I can't buy the firm car I'm using now for a decent rate. He's let me keep the driver for 2 more months until I perfect my driving. That brings it to the end of the financial year (March end) and I'm hoping to get a job by then or soon after. Not meaning to be ungrateful or anything, but this thing was supposed to be my hike for last year and now he's taking it away. It's a pay cut, really.
I'm not angry (surprise, surprise) or humiliated (not many people in the office know, so it's okay) or even feeling bad. Somehow, I'd been expecting this. Don't ask me why.
So now I have no excuse to not start searching for another job. Especially now that boss has decided that I need to be an analyst and write the CFA. C-F-A -- there, I wrote it. That's the best I can do. :-P
Seriously, I signed up as a writer/editor, but boss claims I can't write or edit. Interesting. But one man (who can't even spell right half the time) is not going to shake my confidence in my abilities.
Maybe I'll have to take a paycut: not a problem since DH is back to work and will hopefully complete his probation successfully by the time I quit this place.
What a month this has been! February, I do hope you're better.