Whatever made me think I could write again?

I spent some time last night poring over the profiles and comments of fellow members of the online writers' group that I'm a part of and that's left me...awestruck doesn't begin to describe it. People have written SO much. They ARE WRITING SO MUCH! All.the.time.

There's one woman who has a husband, two kids, two dogs and she's written two books in her spare time. Also ready to wrap up the third!! How does she even create spare time? I should adopt her as my Guru! Seriously.

And then there are folks who have scores of magazine articles to their credit and they say they are still 'trying to get somewhere.' Hmm... Others have been training people to write or collaborated on books with half-a-dozen others. The moderator churns out wonderful material for the front page at an amazing pace and it's all so readable.

Makes me feel quite inadequate. I know I shouldn't feel that way, because I am just finding my way back to the world of writing. And I certainly don't write for a living any more. (Sigh...it's like the ABBA folks said: Where are those happy days? They seem so hard to find.) But you know what, I just sneaked back and read some of my older blog posts and cringed. Physically cringed. What made me thing that was 'writing?' My apologies to those who were tortured by reading that stuff. *shudder*

I had half a mind to shut down this blog, actually delete it. But obviously I didn't. Simply becasue all those crappy sentences tell the story of the person that I had become. If they look messed up, its because I was messed up. I have no idea how I lived through those years. The posts chronicle the tale - nothing heroic - of my efforts to reclaim my life, to create a corner that is entirely my own. Behind the clumsy syntax, ill-chosen words and glaring grammatical errors was a woman who had decided to fight back. I don't claim to have found my way back. I'm still groping in the dark...but there seems to be a ray of light struggling to get through.

Of course, when I see the mom-of-two-kids-and-two-dogs, I still feel inadequate. But I know writing isn't about keeping up with the Joneses. And so, I take a deep breath and go back to writing some more. Because that's the only way I'll find my way out of this darkness.

ps: I'm still worried about the outcome of my son's eye exam on Monday, but I also realize there's little I can do to change anything. In the meantime, its Holi tomorrow - the festival of colors. And the kid wants to have a blast. So I've bought him a box of non-toxic, food-grade colors that he can play with. He's promised to wear glasses to avoid anything getting in his eyes.

Photo from Freerangestock.com

Mea Culpa: greed, misconceptions and then some

Yup, the last post on my kid's bottom received plenty of comments (relatively speaking, of course). Which means people actually read it :-P
So I decided to wait and see what more responses I got. Plain greed, I tell you. Mea Culpa.

I've also joined two writers networks online. One is a forum along the lines of Facebook and Orkut, but more focused. You get to talk to other writers about issues we all face. The person who started it is doing an excellent job of widening the network and including writers from across the professional spectrum.

The other is on Yahoo! Groups and involves getting critiqued by fellow writers, whom you have to critique in turn. It's purely non-fiction and I was reluctant to join. For one, I've hardly ever been a spontaneous writer. For another, I'm from India while this group is mostly made up of writers from North America. I wondered how I would bridge cultural boundaries because our environment makes up a good deal of what we write.

But you know what, I was wrong on both counts. Once I knew I HAD to make an x number of submissions a month, the ideas popped up on their own. What's more, my very first piece was about a really localized concept related to Bangalore. And I still got some good reviews. People took the time to read something they were surely unfamiliar with and wrote back with encouragement and honest feedback. Now where can you get that?

I've made two submissions so far, and I must admit it's been good. Plus, you get to read some really good pieces written by people like myself - writing on the side and hoping to do more with that writing - and critique that. I think the folks who started that group are nothing short of brilliant.

The work and home front have not been that great over the past 10 days. I was quite wound up last night. I feel better today and decided it was high time I updated my blog and got on with the rest of my life.