I had another session with the doctor yesterday. He told me a lot of things my mother has been telling me for months. That I need to focus on myself and do something about my health. But he said it differently and maybe that's what made the difference. Besides, this is a person who is objective and I have poured my heart out to him. My mother, on the other hand, knows me better, but it is a tragedy that children don't always take their parents seriously.
We discussed and decided that since any action I want to take is entirely dependent on what my husband does over the next 4-6 weeks, I need to stop worrying about what he will or will not do. Instead, I need to "focus" on my life.
I set a goal for myself earlier this week: to get rid of the fear when my husband starts his "not-so-silent venting." The doctor gave me an option: Understand that you don't have to react. You might want to. But tell yourself that you don't need to. When you refuse to react, you gain a sense of power over yourself. And that's what liberates you from that bottled up feeling which makes you think you're going to explode.
I'm not sure I can do it. But I'll certainly try. I owe myself this much.
The other thing was to begin walking again regularly. Getting up earlier in the morning is difficult, especially with the meds. But the doctor said I could cut down one of them to just half a tablet and that should make a difference. I'll try it out tonight. Or at least find time later in the day.
Next, and this is really important to me. I've realized that I don't feel so hungry any more. Earlier - especially in the past 8 months or so - I would actually "feel" hungry an hour after lunch! Now, I'm able to turn down an item of food even if I tempt myself with it a dozen times. Maybe it's the medicines, but whatever it is, that power of being able to resist the temptation successfully feels good. If I stop eating randomly - even if it wasn't junk - it's sure to do me a whole lot of good. At least physically. Which is a lot for me at this stage.